Graham on the road: Life in a damp country

I gather that most of you were living in a freezer this winter. Well, I don’t like to gloat, but I haven’t. It hasn’t been that great here though. We’ve had a lot of what I would call mizzle. (That’s mist and drizzle)

You may think that the sun always shines in Hanoi. Well, let me assure you – it doesn’t. It’s true that while you were all shivering away through the winter the worst we got was about 10C (and a lot of people, locals and expats alike, said they were cold!). Spring was mostly overcast but it’s the damp that really gets you, especially indoors. Leaving wardrobe doors closed is a mistake, you’re almost certain to get mouldy clothes etc so I have to constantly check clothes and wipe surfaces down.

However, now it’s payback time … yesterday it hit a truly horrendous 38C. Now, I know some of you pay good money to experience that sort of temperature, but I most certainly wouldn’t. And to make matters worse, it isn’t due to cool down until September. That’ll teach me to do my homework before I accept a job.

Surviving in these inhospitable climes is fairly straightforward though:

Rule 1 Drink lots

Rule 2 Have some more to drink

Rule 3 Have another drink

Rule 4 Don't run anywhere (or even walk quickly) but if you do - have a drink

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I moved flats about a month ago and have settled into an area that I will probably stay in for my time in Hanoi. It's called Truc Bach and is a mix of Vietnamese and western. It’s quite central and has the added advantage of being quick and easy for work.

That's it - number 91 - in the middle ...

The local streets ...

This is my 'commute' to work - by the lake ...

It's also good for the local Indian restaurant (as good as any I found in Manchester). It has the unusual name of 'Foodshop45', which could be the number of times I get a takeaway from there a month (joke).That said, I have tried a range of local foods too. I went to another town for work the other day and was ‘treated’ to lunch by the people I’d been working with. I don’t go much for seafood but guess what? It was seafood. Now, I recognised the mussels and managed to get through a couple of those (mainly because my hosts were saying ‘have another, have another’) but I had no idea what one plate contained. It was full of intricately-shaped stringy things that had the consistency of rubber but I don’t think it was octopus. To be honest, I don’t know if it was a plant or an animal. You couldn’t bite bits off – it was too tough - the trick was to pop it into your mouth whole and chew, and chew and … you get the idea.

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Since I got here I have regularly come across sights that perplex me – ‘Why do they do that?’ goes through my mind a lot of the time.

The most recent thing that baffles me is the line of guys standing in the street outside the restaurants near my flat. As bikes and cars drive by they jump out and try to stop them, even standing in the way at times. The idea is that the driver will think ‘Ah yes, this restaurant must be good’ and go in.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I have never eaten at a restaurant because I was dragged in there by the owner. I have never seen them succeed either – bikes just beep their horns (as they do everywhere) and drive past. Cars do the same. Passersby have to try a bit harder. I think I made a mistake by waiting outside one of these restaurants as a group of us had agreed to eat at one of them and I got there first. A friend arrived by bike and it was immediately grabbed by one of the ‘customer grabbers’. He wasn’t letting go either, so we stood and waited until the others had arrived by which time I felt duty bound to eat at his restaurant. I’m sure he got some brownie points from his boss as there were seven of us.

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Speaking Vietnamese

There’s a simple rule of thumb to pronouncing Vietnamese: if it’s a little bit wrong, it’s completely wrong. The only difference might be an accent but that is enough to leave a lot of Vietnamese folk quite unable to understand what you say.

In Polish ‘szcz’ looks scary but if you can say ‘ch’ you’re close and everyone will understand you. Not so in Vietnamese. Take ‘ng’ for instance. It looks harmless enough and you could be forgiven for thinking that you just say ‘ing’. Oh no no no – that would be far too simple. ‘ng’ is probably the hardest sound in the world to say correctly. The English ‘ing’ is produced somewhere in the centre/middle of your mouth. Easy. However, ‘ng’ is produced in the nether regions at the back of your mouth and requires you to compress your throat in a way that might induce asphixiation. I sometimes get close in my Vietnamese lessons but then forget how I did it leaving my teacher in fits of laughter. My students Ngọc and Nga cannot be impressed.

In class I imagine my students’ thought processes go something like this:

‘Hmmm… Graham just said somebody’s name. It wasn’t my name and it certainly didn’t sound like anybody else’s name either but he’s looking at me so maybe he’s talking to me. I'd better say something.’

You have to be very careful – my colleague was mortified when she discovered she had been saying some very rude words while trying to take the register. That explained why the class kept laughing.

Talking of classes - I have a broad spread of ages this term - adults, teenagers and two classes of cheeky monkeys (the eight year olds). They're a lot of fun.

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I’ve been out and about a bit over the last few months. One trip was to Mai Chau – about 3 hours by bus. Well, the bus was a small coach (and I mean ‘small’ – this was the leg room - it made Ryanair look spacious)

and I could tell I was in Vietnam as the conductor hung out the door and shouted to anyone who was standing by the road looking like they might want a lift. As I understand it, if he shouts a suitable destination and they want to go there it’s a match and they jump on board.

Mai Chau is lovely. It’s populated by the several ethnic minority tribes who have worked out that they are close enough to Hanoi to turn their homes into a business so every home has rooms for let. The attraction is the location and the homes. The wooden houses are all on stilts and they lay out a mat and mosquito net for you. The village is surrounded by hills and paddy fields. We struck lucky as our home was delightful and the owners were very friendly. They cooked fresh, local produce and it was the best food I’ve had since I arrived in Vietnam.

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Another recent trip was back to Cat Ba island, where I got to go paddling (oh, I’ve missed it). The island is surrounded by limestone islands (‘karsts’) and there are several caves to explore.

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I’ve been playing a bit of tennis and badminton since I got here. Badminton is popular and there are several indoor courts around town. I play at one of them every Saturday. However, there are also lots of courts marked out on the streets and this is a typically Vietnamese thing to do... so a few of us have started playing there too. Our first location wasn’t too wonderful though – the shuttlecock either went into the gutter or over the wall. Loads of tourists wandered under the net too. We’ve since found a much better location.

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Bike photo of the month

The basket bike – if you look closely you’ll see the owner asleep next to the bike. This was lunchtime, which starts at about 11am (breakfast is often before 6am) and can last two hours. You’ll find people asleep all over the place.